How to get rich (or die trying)

Recently I've been doing some renovations for someone with inheritance money to burn. The residents of the home I'm working at (all three of them) sleep, eat, and watch TV -- and that's about the extent of it. They eat out at restaurants so they don't have to cook or clean up dishes, and hire others to do everything else -- from cutting the grass to replacing light bulbs.

And it's not that the man of the house isn't able bodied -- he is. It's just that they would rather have someone else do the work for them. Which is fine with me.

So there I was, slathering peach coloured paint on the wall when I came to two conclusions. First, in a less affluent era I'm sure these lazy people would have died off long ago. Second, that the path to success isn't always found by those who vigilantly strive for it.

See, I was under the impression that hard work, determination and self-discipline would be enough to guarantee the American dream. Impressed upon me by teachers, parents and media alike, the concept that work equals success has become a hollow theory for me – and one that I've observed is consistently mocked by several annoying anomalies: those of nepotism, good genetics, inherited social status and good old fashioned luck.

Take Petra Eccelstone for example. Despite never having held paid employment, she's just purchased Aaron Spelling's $91 million Los Angeles estate (the one fashioned after Buckingham Palace, complete with a bowling alley, gift wrapping room and bomb-proof anti-terror room).

Recipient of her Formula One father's $2.4 Billion estate, she's a living, breathing example of being a recipient of someone else's hard work.

As if this wasn't insulting enough to 'Joe the average factory worker' (putting up with a 12-hour continental shift for $10 an hour), an Eccelstone family friend had to rub it in with the following statement: “At least this LA house will give Petra something to do. The trust is paying for it. In fact, the payment is coming in cash — paid from the interest on the interest.” Interest on the interest? I wasn't aware there was such a thing.

And did I mention Petra is drop dead gorgeous?



Apparently a side effect of your dad having lots of money means that he'll chose for you a genetically pleasing mother. So Petra has that going for her too. Which leads me to those who have been fortunate enough to benefit from Mother Nature's finest DNA -- chiseled features, good bone structure, and any other pleasing physical aesthetic feature that would get you noticed by a talent scout, casting agent or otherwise horny producer.

A bizarre by-product of the evolutionary “survival of the fittest” (where the most beautiful specimens are more likely to attract a mate and therefore bear offspring) is the smorgasbord of talentless eye-candy (the likes of Paul Walker and Megan Fox come to mind), supermodels and otherwise unproductive people (anything Kardashian) who receive untold riches and fame in return for simply being themselves.

And how many times have I heard a story of our hero celebrity or model being “discovered” eating doughnuts in a cafe or simply walking down a city street?

In a similar vein, another category of enviable individuals we cherish and reward are sports stars. Drawing on their predetermined superior genetic code, they inevitably break from the pack of us mere mortals in order to humble us with their amazing feats of awesomeness.

And each sport has its own genetic prerequisite. Basketball players are probably the easiest characters to cast. Ask anyone over six-foot-five how many times people have asked them if they're a basketball player-- chances are they've heard that assumption implied ad infinitum. By default, the taller player will win out against the shorter regardless of talent. He's just that much closer to the hoop.

Even racial characteristics play into success. African-American athletes often fare better in high-impulse, short endurance activities due to inherent superior fast-twitch muscle fibres.

According to an article in the Times, “Black athletes have monopolized every Olympic 100 metres for the past quarter of a century, without a white man making the final. The same dominance asserts itself at the World Championships, in which every sprinter in eight of the past nine 100 metres finals has been black.” That's not to say that training, dedication and skill can be discounted, but I think the record speaks for itself. White men can't jump, and apparently can't sprint, either.

And while I understand stereotypes influence our perception of who does “what” well, there usually is a kernel of genetic truth helping the winner along the way. We usually see Kenyans excelling at endurance running, the Chinese cleaning up at ping-pong, and the Russian's winning at arm wrestling, shooting things to hell, and drinking you under the table.

And then there are the environmental factors. To say that a child living in a mud hut on the drought ravaged plains of the Sahara or the slums of New Delhi has the same opportunity as their upper-class peers from the Hamptons is simply ludicrous. Which speaks volumes regarding the myth of the self-made man.

Besides those destined for inheritance or genetic superiority, nepotism is another powerful factor in the creation of successful individuals. The nepotism crowd ride the coat-tails of their parent's reputation and success, undoubtedly finding it easier to access otherwise insular and elitist occupations.

As with most jobs, success still rides on whether or not someone likes you (or your parents) and is willing to vouch for you (I myself once received a promotion this way after it turned out both my boss and a co-worker previously worked with my father). However being associated with a household name probably doesn't hurt the job hunting effort.  

And I'm often surprised to discover just how endemic nepotism is in our culture: it's present in everything from entertainment to finance to construction to politics. What else can explain the impossibility of George W Bush clinching a two-term tenure in the Oval office?

Now this does not preclude every beautiful, genetically blessed person with a recognizable surname from achieving instant stardom, but it certainly increases their chances of achieving success.

I suppose until that distant rich relative kicks the bucket (or I develop some newfangled and yet untapped athletic ability) I'll have to resort to screwing in light bulbs for the overprivileged.